Raising children with resilience and respect in today’s fast-paced world can feel like swimming upstream. Screens offer instant gratification. Chores are often met with resistance. Kids are at risk of growing up with more convenience than character. But grit, that quiet strength to keep going when things get tough, is still one of the most valuable traits a young person can develop. And it doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through struggle, responsibility, and support, things rural communities like ours know well.

Many of today’s kids are growing up in what I’d call a “soft world.” It’s one where entertainment is always a click away, discomfort is avoided, and failure is feared. But life doesn’t work that way, not on our farms or workplaces, and not in relationships or always at school. When we remove every obstacle from a child’s path, we may be protecting them in the short term, but we’re also robbing them of the chance to grow stronger.

Here is the good news, you don’t need a fancy program or a special curriculum to raise a resilient, respectful kid. You just need to give them chances to try, fail, and try again, with you cheering them on along the way. It is ok to let them struggle. Whether it’s figuring out how to load the dishwasher or learning to tie a knot, don’t jump in too fast. Struggle builds problem-solving and confidence.

Assign real responsibilities. Give them a job that matters. Watering plants, feeding animals, or helping with younger siblings teaches accountability and the pride that comes with contribution.

Expect manners. Respect starts with the basics like “please,” “thank you,” and looking someone in the eye. These small habits shape how kids show up in the world.

Talk about failure. Share your own mistakes and how you learned from them. Let your kids know that failure isn’t something to fear, it’s something to grow from.

In rural communities like ours, we have an advantage. Many of our kids still grow up close to the land. They know the value of a hard day’s work. They understand that life doesn’t always go as planned. And they see firsthand how neighbors step up for each other. We also have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and neighbors who model resilience in quiet, powerful ways. Fixing fence posts, helping at church, checking in on folks who are hurting. These are the silent lessons our kids need. Respect and resilience aren’t just character traits, they are life skills. And the more we give our kids chances to practice them, the more capable and grounded they’ll become.

They don’t need everything handed to them. They need our belief that they can handle the hard stuff. With our guidance and a little grit, they absolutely can.

Pam Kerley has a master’s degree in Youth, Family, and Community Science and is the 4-H Program Assistant at the N.C. Cooperative Extension, Lee County Center. For more information about this topic and others contact Lee County 4-H. 4-H is a positive youth development program that offers activities to fit various interests, backgrounds, budgets, and schedules. In Lee County, 4-H provides opportunities for youth through in-school programs, after-school activities, clubs, and camps, welcoming all children eager to have fun, learn, and grow. In North Carolina, 4-H is powered by NC State Cooperative Extension and NC A&T University, bringing expert knowledge, resources, and practical tools to enrich daily life and support community well-being.

Reprinted from The Sanford Herald article run on June 7, 2025