Is your phone a mirror reflecting who you are, or a scoreboard of how many people approve of you? Online validation has a complex effect on well-being, providing both benefits and significant risks to mental health and self-perception. While internet platforms offer opportunities for self-expression and community, the constant pursuit of external approval through likes and comments can create an unhealthy and even addictive cycle.

Chasing online validation can harm a young person’s mental health. When teens’ self-worth is tied to likes, shares, and comments, they become vulnerable to feelings of rejection and inadequacy, especially if they don’t receive enough positive feedback. This constant pursuit of approval, highlighted in a 2023 U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory, is linked to higher rates of depression and anxiety among youth. The reward system in the brain, fueled by dopamine, is activated by likes and positive engagement. This creates an addictive cycle where youth constantly seek external validation, which can make them more dependent on digital affirmation for their sense of self-worth. The pursuit of validation can sometimes involve unhealthy behaviors like excessive self-promotion, which can open youth up to cyberbullying. Negative comments and online harassment can have a devastating effect on a young person’s self-image and mental well-being.

Social media amplifies the natural human tendency for comparison by constantly exposing youth to curated and idealized versions of other people’s lives. Those who post online rarely exhibit the failures that lead to success. In reality, perfection is rarely achieved and even more rarely achieved on the first attempt. Trusting in the perfection of the common internet post can increase feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and low self-esteem, especially in girls.

The negative effects of social media that can come from seeking online validation are clear. These platforms pose significant challenges to mental well-being. But we must also recognize the profound and positive ways these same technologies can enrich our lives. While social media can be a source of stress and comparison, it also offers a world of opportunities for connection, creativity, and community that were once unimaginable. Social media can help teens build and maintain relationships with peers and family, regardless of physical distance, offering emotional support during challenging times. Online platforms can serve as safe spaces where young people can find social support and validation from others with similar experiences, identities, or diagnoses. The internet provides a platform for expression and sharing hobbies and interests. Positive engagement on these posts can affirm a sense of self.

In 2022, a group of Turkish scientists wanted to create a new way to measure how happy people are when they use computers and phones. They call this digital well-being. The key to mitigating the negative effects of online validation is a balanced approach that promotes digital well-being.

Establish and enforce rules around screen time, implement device-free times like during meals, and make bedrooms tech-free zones to encourage better sleep. Promote engaging in real-world activities and face-to-face interactions that build self-esteem based on actual ability and accomplishment, and not what might merely be the appearance of competency. Encourage youth to pause and reflect on their motivation before posting and consider how they might feel if the post receives little engagement.

Teach youth critical thinking skills to recognize the difference between curated online personas and reality. Help them understand that what they see online is not the full picture of someone’s life. If signs of depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem appear, don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional.

As technology is a part of our lives, it’s important to develop skills to use it healthily. In the end, our phones are more than just mirrors reflecting our lives; they’ve become scoreboards that can either lift us or tear us down. While social media offers a place for self-expression and community, it also presents a significant challenge to our mental health. The constant pursuit of online validation through likes and comments can become an unhealthy cycle, reminding us that the very tools we use to connect can also leave us feeling disconnected from our own self-worth. It’s a complex relationship that requires us to be mindful of how we engage with technology, ensuring we find a balance between community and self-perception.

Pam Kerley has a master’s degree in Youth, Family, and Community Science and is the 4-H Program Assistant at the N.C. Cooperative Extension, Lee County Center. For more information about this topic and others, contact Lee County 4-H. 4-H is a positive youth development program that offers activities to fit various interests, backgrounds, budgets, and schedules. In Lee County, 4-H provides opportunities for youth through in-school programs, after-school activities, clubs, and camps, welcoming all children eager to have fun, learn, and grow. In North Carolina, 4-H is powered by NC State Cooperative Extension and NC A&T University, bringing expert knowledge, resources, and practical tools to enrich daily life and support community well-being.

Reprinted from Sanford Herald Article, September 27, 2025