In an Extension News article I wrote in October 2023, I encouraged families to “focus on what is strong as opposed to what is wrong” when supporting teenagers. At the time, that message was grounded in a strengths-based approach to parenting and youth development. One that asked adults to look beyond labels and deficits and instead help young people identify their abilities, supports, and hopes for the future. Three years later, that message has only grown stronger.
Since 2023, research and practice in youth development have continued to affirm that positive experiences, especially those rooted in relationships, belonging, and emotional safety, are critical to healthy development. What once felt like a philosophical shift is now supported by a growing body of science.
Today, this approach is often described through the Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences (HOPE) Framework, which emphasizes four key building blocks for youth well-being: nurturing relationships, safe and equitable environments, meaningful social engagement, and opportunities for emotional growth. These experiences don’t ignore challenges or stress; rather, they help young people develop the internal and external resources needed to face them.
This matters because we now understand more about stress and adolescent development than ever before. According to research from Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child, prolonged stress without adequate support, often referred to as toxic stress, can interfere with learning, behavior, and health. However, supportive relationships with caring adults can buffer those effects. In other words, connection is protective. That idea echoes what many parents and caregivers already know intuitively: teens do better when they feel understood, valued, and capable.
In my 2023 article, I shared a story about my father helping me through an algebra problem by asking what I already knew to be true. That experience didn’t remove the challenge, but it empowered me to solve it myself. Looking back, that moment reflects what we now clearly recognize as a positive childhood experience, one that built confidence, problem-solving skills, and trust in a supportive adult relationship.
Research on Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) shows that experiences such as feeling supported by family, having a sense of belonging, and knowing there are adults who care can improve mental and physical health outcomes well into adulthood. These experiences don’t require perfection or the absence of hardship. They require presence, consistency, and encouragement.
This is where families, schools, and community programs like 4-H play an important role. In 4-H, we see every day how positive experiences shape young people. When they are given opportunities to lead, try something new, fail safely, and be supported by caring adults and peers, they begin to see themselves differently. They learn not just who they are, but who they can become.
Importantly, this approach does not mean avoiding hard conversations or consequences. It means starting from a place of belief in a young person’s potential. Instead of asking only, “What’s wrong?” we also ask: What strengths are already present? Who is part of this young person’s support system? What does success look like from their perspective? What small steps move us forward?
As adults, we sometimes rush to solutions before allowing young people to envision their own positive future. Yet hope, defined by researchers as a belief in the possibility of a meaningful and positive future, is built when youth are invited into problem-solving instead of talked around or over.
The good news is that fostering hope and positive experiences does not require specialized training or perfect parenting. It starts with everyday interactions like listening without judgment, naming strengths, encouraging effort, and staying connected even when things feel messy.
Three years after writing about focusing on what’s strong, I am more convinced than ever that this mindset is not just encouraging, it is essential. When we intentionally create environments that support connection, growth, and resilience, we give young people more than answers. We give them tools. And those tools, hope, confidence, and supportive relationships, are ones they can carry with them long after the problem in front of them is solved.
For more information about this topic and others, contact Pam Kerley at Lee County 4-H. Pam Kerley has a master's degree in Youth, Family, and Community Science and is the 4-H Program Assistant at the NC Cooperative Extension, Lee County Center. 4-H is a positive youth development program that offers activities to fit various interests, backgrounds, budgets, and schedules. In Lee County, 4-H provides opportunities for youth through in-school programs, after-school activities, clubs, and camps, welcoming all children eager to have fun, learn, and grow. In North Carolina, 4-H is powered by NC State Cooperative Extension and NC A&T University, bringing expert knowledge, resources, and practical tools to enrich daily life and support community well-being.
This article is a reprint from The Sanford Herald that ran on February 7, 2026
